“Traitor” the seventh episode of “American Horror Story: Apocalypse” features a Weight Watchers witch, Frances Conroy playing the Theremin, a cheesy old-school Christmas slasher and, best of all, witches strutting in slow motion to music.
Episode 7 starts with Voodoo Queen Dinah (Adina Porter), who force feeds cheating husbands strawberry and mistress-heart smoothie/potions. This whole sequence just made me miss Angela Bassett. Why couldn’t they bring back her “Coven” character?
We see behind the scenes of “Bubbles McGee in ‘A Christmas to Dismember’” where Joan Collins reappears as the lead, who’s also a telepathic witch. The movie is about a grandma who, just after murdering her husband, gets attacked by a killer Santa — is this a rare “Asylum” reference with this murderous Santa?
Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) confronts Bubbles between takes to bring her to Cordelia (Sarah Paulson). They need all the help they can get against Langdon (Cody Fern). “Even the ones with age spots.” Seeing Emma Roberts and Joan Collins try to one-up each other was great in the cattiest way.
Dinah helps Cordelia summon Papa Legba, the Voodoo Devil, who brings Nan (Jamie Brewster) along. For those of you who forgot, in “Coven” Jessica Lange and Angela Bassett drowned Nan in a bathtub trying to make a deal with Papa Legba. Nan’s rightfully bitter, but says she’s having fun in Hell.
Two more “Coven” characters appear in this episode, Nan and Papa Legba. Photo courtesy of youtube.com
Papa Legba tells Cordelia that in order for him to help fight against Langdon, she has to give him the souls of all her witches. She refuses and he vanishes.
All the young witches are sitting around at Miss Robichaux’s when Coco (Leslie Grossman) announces that her powers are expanding. She can tell the exact number of calories in any food; she’s a human nutrition label! When she’s celebrating by eating a Sno-Ball (only 80 calories! Weird product placement considering what happens next), she chokes on it and dies. Mallory (Billie Lourd) performs some kind of witch surgery on her, cutting her neck open, removing the Hostess treat and bringing her back to life. This makes Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) think Mallory is the next Supreme, so I’m willing to bet she’s not.
Bubbles and Myrtle (Frances Conroy) cook dinner for the two remaining warlock professors at Hawthorne. As Myrtle drones on, the warlock’s minds wander to their plans to kill the witches and telepathic Bubbles hears the whole thing.
Back at Miss Robichaux’s, all the witches and Behold (Billy Porter) celebrate Mallory’s potential as the next Supreme. Behold reminding them that Langdon killed his family can’t even bring the mood down. But do you know what can? Cordelia recounting how two years ago, when she sensed the end nearing, she painfully brought Myrtle back from the dead. Finally! Since her first appearance in episode 3 of “Apocalypse,” I was wondering when they were going to explain how Myrtle was brought back after being burnt at the stake in the “Coven” finale. Consider me satisfied.
This episode of “Apocalypse” finally explained how Myrtle is back after being burnt at the stake in the final episode of “Coven.” Photo courtesy of autostraddle.com
The witches do their signature slow-motion walk to the gas station where John Henry (Cheyenne Jackson) was killed by Satanic Kathy Bates. As Myrtle vapes, Zoe unsuccessfully tries to bring him back from the dead. We cut to another silent movie style Seven Wonders test, but this time we only see the final test. Mallory brings John back from the dead.
Coco confronts Satanic Kathy Bates only to get shot, but it’s all part of the plan because the Coven’s albino henchmen kidnap her.
The warlock professors concoct a powder that will kill all the witches, complete with quick, jolting shots of all of the Coven bleeding out of their eyes. Before they can do anything with it, the witches show up. Cordelia burns the powder and, with some next level Supreme power, removes their mouths.
The witches, John Henry and henchmen pose while filming at the stakes. Photo courtesy popsugar.com
The Coven, John, Behold and the henchmen strut to the stakes with the warlocks and Kathy Bates. As she’s bounced with gas, she gives a chilling speech, affirming her love for Satan. The three of them are burnt alive in graphic detail. The episode ends with the witches doing what they do best, strutting away.
The trailer for next week’s episode teases Evan Peters and Billy Eichner returning as new characters who want to serve Langdon. Hopefully, the next episode will conclude this flashback and get us back to the post-apocalyptic present. I’m loving all the witches, but there are only three episodes left and there’s a lot to wrap up.
Make sure to check back next week for the recap of the eighth episode of “American Horror Story: Apocalypse!”
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