Day 8 2/12/2020
If you have ever watched Dragon Ball Z and seen any number of fight scenes, you will know that when energy is condensed, harnessed and channel for a purpose it can be extremely useful. On the other hand, if channeled incorrectly, anger can be extremely dangerous. After yesterday’s debacle, I had so much pent up energy I needed an outlet. I had two choices, channel this anger for good or harm. Honestly, I didn’t even really make the choice. After coming home from working at the gym, I went into work frenzy mode. I spent the next three hours constructing, planning, writing and building every phase of what I need to do next to take my business and music career to the next level.
In the aftermath of losing $800, I needed to figure a way to get it back. Granted, working part time jobs while still having bills and expenses, making that $800 back isn’t going to be easy or fast. However, creating a plan to move forward is the first step in getting not only that money back, but loads more.
Waking up today I expected to still be in a complete frenzy, meltdown type of mind state. While I was still fuming with anger, so much so that upon arriving at the studio this morning I had co-workers ask why I was yelling so much at 10 am. Explaining the situation that occurred less than 24 hours before, they were understanding to the fact I wasn’t yelling at them but just yelling for the sake of yelling because to this point I had no way of releasing this pent up anger. What I did notice was that I was able to calm down in way less time than it would have taken me in the past. If this was to happen to me even two weeks ago, I would have spiraled into a manic depressive state for an untold amount of time. This state would have consisted of total isolation, unless I absolutely needed to be somewhere, and would have been one continuous smoking and eating binge. While this is of course not healthy in any way, shape or form, it was my normal and my coping method. It was what worked for me. Two or three days of that and I would generally snap back to reality, depending on the situation that caused this manic episode. In this case, probably due in part to the Lamictal and not smoking weed anymore (officially one week yesterday) I was able to not only get over this situation, at least as far as anyone can get over getting scammed out of $800 the day before, but also use the situation and turn it into something positive.
Today was an incredibly positive and productive day. I attended my first meeting with a label A&R, conducted my first interview podcast for the business I am starting, @thebloganr in case you were wonder (shameless plug), and conduct a staff meeting at the studio to lay out a general broad stroke of where we are going and what needs to be done. In doing all these tasks, I never once thought of what happened yesterday. I never once was in a bad mood, apart from the short stint of yelling in the morning. I was overall happy and joyful, or what I would consider to be joyful and happy for myself. Remaining completely focused on everything that was going on around me, while being able to laugh and crack jokes. I can see why people jokingly call these kind of pills, “happy pills.”
It has been one week since I started taking Lamictal and had to quit smoking weed cold turkey. Honestly, I don’t miss smoking weed in the slightest, and feel multitudes better now than I can ever remember feeling in the past. I will attribute a good portion of these feelings to Lamicatl literally changing my brain chemistry, but also not being in a cloud all day is awesome. For the last four years I have been perpetually high all day everyday. Like most things in my life hindsight is 20/20. I never thought I had a problem smoking weed, thinking that because I was not only able to function daily and work while high but also because I was able to quit cold turkey when I didn’t have the funds to buy weed. However, looking back on the last few years now, even just one week sober, I can see how much my life revolved around weed and the effect it was having on me, my life and the people in my life, most notably my family and girlfriend at the time. Stopping smoking weed was one of the best things I could have done. Couple that with my new,”happy pills,” and in the short one week it has been I can tell I am a becoming a better person, and making positive changes. I hope the people in my life I care about are seeing these same effects.
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