Day 6 2/10/2020
Today was an awesome day, one of the best days I have had in a while. I woke up on the right side of the bed and was off and running through out the whole day. I met with my psychiatrist today for the first time since starting my medication regiment. Going into our meeting I had more than a few concerns, most of which I have voiced in my previous blog posts over the last six days. From the little things such as sweaty palms, to the major issues like not being able to focus, constantly being in a daze like fog or my continually mounting anger, I was probably more excited than most to revisit my psychiatrist.
Third to waking up without the gun sensation for the fourth time since starting Lamictal, and a second situation that happened today which I will describe later, the news I got from my visit was the psychiatrist today was great. I was assured that everything I was feeling, minus the anger which is probably just my nature that I will have to readjust too since I have stopped smoking wee (a full week now at this point), would subside as my body gets used to the new changing chemical make up that is taking place. Being told that what your feeling is normal, and will eventually go away is some of the best news you could give a person that has dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts for as long as they can remember.
Growing up I was always surrounded by dark thoughts. I was never able to achieve happiness, or what I saw other people express and describe as happiness. I accepted my dark state as my normal and learned how to navigate daily life in this state. I never thought there was anything that could help me, or that would make this state and these thoughts disappear. Hearing that something that is mentally going on with me is only temporary, or can be changed simply with a different drug or dosage, to me, is the equivalent of getting crushed by a wave of relief and happiness that I haven’t experience in quite some time. Couple this, which happened at 10 am today, with the news I got around 1 pm while working at the studio, and I haven’t been this happy since I met a very special person about year ago almost to this date.
A major part of my job at the studio is to manage the overall operations of the studio, publishing and the signed artists. However, most arguably my most important job is branding and brand management. Incase you’re not aware, partnering with different brands can make or break artists in the music industry. The right endorsement or the right connection can be the difference between this new artist becoming the next Drake or becoming the next Milli Vanilli. This means a large part of my day, at least for the moment, consists of scouring the internet for new and established brands who’s image coincides with the image of our studio and artists. I have done this kind of work before at previous studios I have worked at but never to this capacity or with artists of this caliber. The artist I am working with now are on the verge of singing label deals, or becoming big enough independently to break on their own.
While sitting at my desk compiling emails for a vast amount of brands to start connecting with, I had an impromptu meeting with the owner of the studio who happens to also be my boss. This meeting lasted about two minutes, and consisted of about four total sentence, if you have ever worked in a music or entertainment setting this kind of meeting is a normal occurrence, as every person is looking to speak with the same set of people who are all in a hurry to get to their next meeting or session. This meeting was different, it was about my recognized title in the grand scope of the studio and company. At the conclusion of this meeting I was given my title and what I will be able to put on my business cards, and the signature of my emails going forward.
President.
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