Day 11 2/15/2020
Today was a struggle from the moment it started. Not because anything was wrong or happened, but simply because today was just one of those days. I woke up tired after working way longer than I should have last night, and was not able to shake the tiredness all day. Unfortunately, even the Lamictal couldn’t help with this. In this case it just makes it worse as it compounds on me already being tired.
Today wasn’t just a tired day for me, but a second nine hour shift, that I have to stand the entire time for at the front desk at a gym that literally has a chair but if I sit down I run the risk of being fired. Not that that matters to me at all as, one this is a job to simply supplement additional income, and two because I will be quitting this job relatively soon as I will be moving closer to the music studio where I work during the day, also in the area where I have cultivated most of the other aspects of my life. Still, I have to at least act like I wanna be here so that when I do leave after only working here for what will have been a single month, they don’t mess with the two checks I have coming my way for working this month. I should note that if this was a normal paying job I probably wouldn’t care as much, but because this job has the stupidest pay period I’ve ever seen, where you work from 1st-15th and then don’t get paid until the 23rd, and then work from the 16th-31st and have to wait till the 10th of the following month to get paid, I can’t do anything stupid as I may not see the second paycheck I should get on the 10th.
Standing at a desk all day at a place you don’t want to be at while your over tired from working the same job that made me stay an extra two hours, of regular pay not overtime, because the owners let an event not only run 30 minutes after the building closes, but then proceeded to not say anything to the event staff to hurry cleaning up until an hour after that. One of the many, many, many reasons I hate the town I am currently in and have grown up in my entire life. A town mind you that is roughly 80% Indian and Asian population, and the americanized ones, the ones that are first generation America and can barely speak the language. An example being, a grade school happens to be affiliated with this building and has access to the gym facilities, so when giving a tour today to perspective parents of incoming students, all asian being led by a middle aged asian woman, not one of the people in the group, including the leader, spoke English. That comes on the tail of having to constantly answer the phone and listen to a bad signal of a person on the other end speaking with an accent that is worse than any customer service rep you can imagine. Is this picture clear enough for you yet? While Lamictal has helped with my mood and patiences, nothing in the world could have made me want to deal with these people less than I did today, being as tired as I was.
I will say Lamictal does help in a sense that I can fake a smile when someone walks through the door, but if you asked me a question today, of course every single question that is asked by these people can be answered by the literal wall sized bulletin board that each person sees as soon as they walk in, I had to resist every urge in my body to not be a dick when responding. However, the straw that broke the camels back for me today, was the constant amount of people asking me to search the entire building for clothing items they said they left behind at least two-three weeks ago. Then getting an attitude with me because I was unable to find what they were looking for. Or the fact that every other person entered the gym today didn’t have they key card to enter, which mean that I have to look them up by name. After reading the above statement, I shouldn’t have to tell you how hard it is to not only understand what these people are saying, as they mumble their words in the strongest accents you have ever heard, but then proceed to whisper a conjunction of letters that I am almost positive don’t fit together to form a name.
I am fully aware that this entire post will come across as me not only venting, which is kinda the point of this blog for me, as well as to give insight on how people deal with mental health differently in their daily lives, but also as insensitive towards an entire population of people. If that is how you take it, so be it. I have no issue with people being angered by a post of mine. Especially one like this, as I know under the circumstances, of living with these people and my town population for 20 years, my reaction and interaction with them is different and won’t be understood by everyone unless you have some kind of experience dealing with privileged foreigners.
I am just hoping tomorrow will be better.
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